Modern Meanderings of a Mystic

Well, it seems odd.


A moment of clarity.


Did I just dodge irrelevant drains to my energy?

I think I did.

People...

Oh I like weeding out people.  But, I do not like being attached to people who aren't attached to me, and vice versa. So Clear The Air. Clear the air, attachments are severed. I say it and so it shall be. And so it is!



I want what is highest for me.  It seems this arrangement, this marriage, isn't working so well.  I want therapy, and I wish we could see one.  I wish I could see one independently, and he as well, as well.
(yes i meant to say it twice)

So I am crazy, I talk to myself essentially, but it is to be sane in real life.  I mean, some writers really take their stuff seriously, even tho its all made up, i dont get it. but i love Lord of the Rings! the movie. not the book. i have not the patience for that. my parents had no patience for me. i was raised on the computer and by school and soccer practice, essentially, they just fed me. and provided home and nice bathroom and a bed and all those amenities.

They seem to think they did so much for me.  It's atrocious to think really, and its at the forefront of my mind.  How could they think they were possibly THERE? i mean it dwindled off over the years gradually. but way too soon. and there was never interaction or talks like there should be.  I wouldnt complain so much, i realize, if it werent for they saying things, cocky things or head up the ass things. it makes me mad, it really does, because years ago my dad well anyway, who cares, right?

No one cares, no one cares to look at themself unless they want to.
I seem to be the only one in my life who does........


Does it happen like that? You only get one person per circle of people, who Really cares, at one time that is, because then we reach our Fuck it stage right? Just do whatever to get by and survive with sanity retaining your structure, your own self. well this is bad if other people are involved and you treat them carelessly. i see alcohol to be a form of careless-giving. carelessness giving substance. that doesnt sound right or make sense really but oh well.