After the Storm.... there is much to do

I feel the pressure and I know what it's about.  i need to ascend, it's the only way to teach What needs To Be Taught.

I am happy I have a path,

and Anxious.  I do not know what it will be. It's wonderful,

but in the wake of Kyle dying, I am left bittersweet.
-------------------------------------

i come to facebook, and i say this, I am left bittersweet. I just have to keep communicating, and writing, and it's hard to tell if I am on the right track or if I am dispersing my energy too much but you know what it doesnt matter because I am not in public school anymore! Into a more evolved approach to living, come on and OH come oN that was the worst thing to ever happen.  No, not really, but I had a lack of love and split household that is two parents that don't know what they are doing- Not in the sense that they are going blindly through life, they are blind to what they cause as far as The damage form lack of love, and the presence of stress constantly, and a sensitive soul always being told what to do, always hurried along, always pointed in a direction,
Well enough!  Finally I uncovered myself with the help of psychoactive plants, that will teach you about what you are! And then, you will not be able to live in the drab world anymore.

You will get a glimpse of reality, as it is, not as they would have you believe!  They.... they... who is they?  They is those who want to control the world, because they think that's all there is.  Material goods and the bounty of them all for oneself to live comfortably and never worry- right? Wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These fat fucks are miserable! The bounty of McDonalds MmmmMMm! and the rich people are bitter and hoarders of their money, always wanting more, always needing more, never realizing what they are missing is the lack of nourishment, love and cosmic energy, and understanding- of the planet and how it functions with natural laws, but also of human psychology, and all these things are necessary to truly understand.  You need to feel - that there is something more- and go for it.

I did.  But it did not preclude being accused of so many things.  It did not preclude being pushed, in directions I did not want to go, and the Pusher keeps on pushing, when she doesn't realize she fucking has to WAKE UP.

And you can't tell it to them, they will look at you and it is freaky kinda in a way, a marvel, really, to see them look at you, they came up to me, my parents did, when i was in a ball crying, on my bed, it was marvelous to have them in the same room and it made me stop. i had brought them together. it was amazing.  it was after i had been awakened to feelings i never had before, with Desmond in his basement room's shower bathroom, i could not engage the animal, no, to say animal is not correct we need to say base lower strong pulsing energy with the higher mind.  And unfortunately he could not integrate it, i for a long time blamed myself for not being able to handle the energy, and go forward, it was so powerful, it could have destroyed me, i thought, it was so strong, and i was scared of the power. i realized i attached the power to him, to Desmond, i was scared he might not use it in the best way, so i receded, a meek creature, now awakened to something i had Never experienced before, walked out the door into the world, i wanted to collect myself.

Now i pause for a moment in the story of the self coming to being from the basic human i once was, which are majority of Americans. I want to say the public school system makes you do things in certain forms. this is contrary to many. it hurts us.  really, it's not a sissy thing.  it is a damage to our evolution.  Sure, maybe a lot of kids need that structure, to adhere them to the working class.  But not everybody is going to work in an office, doing humdrum droney tasks okay?  Is that what you want, first of all?  What a tragedy, to live your life as handed over to them! It is easy to do though, because so much is against you.  So do not fear- you will get out now that you know there is something else for you.  Now that you know You can! it is not based around what They created only, life, and the world, we can create our own, too, and so decrease dependency on them on person or one family at a time, and we will see it is much more relaxing to be, like this, and to be,................................

To be.


To be! i want you to simply be, and do nothing that you ought to.


Desmond once told me, as I was sitting on the floor like a kid to the tv he put on a magical movie we didn't quite end up watching............... i was focused on the energy i was able to control.  i was just a shell of a human before this.........................................

Awakening.

it was 1:23 and 3:21 and 1:11 AND 12:34 and 5:55 and 2:22 and 11:11. it is an awakening code! even though i went through it, years later i wrote it off a little bit...........it seemed life wasn't going to adhere to my newfound Seer. i call it that on my own terms, not whatever anyone in the past or elsewhere uses the term Seer, i mean it as one who see's, and not with his two eyes, it means someone who is paying attention.  Literally! Paying attention.  It's kind of like respect.

Respect for life.  Respect that there is a functioning underlying everything that we don't completely understand and for this I am humbler than those who think they know, for I wait and see.  And i see more the more I see, and I know more, for real, and this increases my power, because I know what they don't.  And it's not a triumph to know while they don't- the world will be a better place the more awaken, obviously! I am grateful to be included in this.  Really grateful.

And now I get to share it with you.  I'm not quite sure what to say or how to say it so I'm just going to say it.  That's precisely what fucked me up in the first place.  I didn't know how so I didn't.